Filthy Little Mudbloods
by HermesDay
Summary: 'He called me a Mudblood. He's friends with Mulciber and Avery and Malfoy, and they torture people for fun. He's the same as Potter and his friends. I don't like Potter, so I won't like him.' Lily had never liked Potter, so she didn't have a problem hating him. Severus, though…. Severus was supposed to be her friend.


Disclaimer: This world and all its characters belong to JK Rowling. I wrote this purely for entertainment purposes, and have no wish to sell, copyright or otherwise similarly claim any of this content.

Some of the conversations have been taken directly out of the books and these conversations belong to JK Rowling.

* * *

 _Why?_

Lily sat on her bed, staring at the curtains drawn around her.

 _Why would he say that?_ She was aware of the tears tracking silently down her face, but did nothing to wipe them away. _Why, Sev? I though we were friends._ She took a shaky breath, and let it out. It didn't help. Closing her eyes, she saw the scene playing out in her head.

 _She was walking outside, taking a small break outside before Transfiguration. She was about to go in when a commotion down by the lake caught her attention. Annoyed, but called by her prefect duties, she let out a small sigh and headed down to see what was going on. She arrived just in time to hear a sickeningly familiar voice cry "Scourgify!"_

 _Pushing through the crowd, she saw James Potter and Sirius Black laughing at Severus, who seemed to be struggling against some sort of hex that kept him in place and choking on a mouthful of bubbles._

 _"_ _Leave him ALONE!"_

Potter taunting her …

 _"_ _I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid."_

 _Severus cursed Potter, and Potter whirled on him, flicked his wand and then Severus was hanging by his ankles in mid-air. She had almost laughed at that. Almost._

 _"_ _Let him down!"_

 _Surprisingly, Potter listened to her – only to place Severus under a another hex as soon as he hit the ground._

 _"_ _Take the curse off him!"_

 _Then Severus said it. "I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"_

Filthy little Mudblood.

It wasn't the name that hurt. It was that Severus was the one who had said it.

Lily opened her eyes and a new wave of tears fell down her face. At the time, she had been too shocked to do anything other than yell at Potter, then turn and walk back up to the castle. She had sat through Transfiguration in a haze, then had come straight back to the Gryffindor common room and sat on her bed crying and trying to figure out what to do about the whole situation.

At first, Lily and Severus had been almost inseparable. When they weren't in classes or eating meals with their houses, they were in the library, out by the lake, or in an unused classroom. If people bothered them, Lily would tell them that she and Sev didn't care what they thought; they were friends.

Then they started making new friends. They would still study together, and sit together during breaks, but in the evenings they were usually in their separate common rooms because Lily's friends didn't like Sev and Sev's friends didn't like Lily.

Over the months and years, Severus and Lily became more distant. Lily tried to tell him not to hang out with people like Avery and Mulciber. Severus compromised by not hanging out with them when he was with her, he never took part when they bullied younger students, although he did nothing to stop it.

This year, though, had been different from the beginning. Severus had started talking about life after Hogwarts, which normally wouldn't have been bad, except he kept bring up Voldemort.

 _"_ _Don't, Sev. He's evil."_

 _"_ _He's not evil. He wants witches and wizards to be safe, to not have to hide from the muggles."_

 _"_ _Sure, but there are better ways to achieving that than killing all of them."_

 _"_ _He doesn't want to kill all of the muggles."_

 _"_ _Sev, there are more deaths every day!"_

 _"_ _The only reason he killed them was because they would have killed him."_

 _"_ _Look, I don't want to talk about this right now."_

Lily had tried to talk him out of it, but when that hadn't worked she'd just started changing the subject whenever he brought up life after Hogwarts.

Then this. _Mudblood._

Drawing in a shuddering breath, Lily used her blanket to wipe the tears off her face. _This should be simple,_ she thought. _He called me a Mudblood. He's friends with Mulciber and Avery and Malfoy, and they torture people for fun. He's the same as Potter and his friends. I don't like Potter, so I won't like him._ Inside, though, there was a voice telling her that no, it wasn't that simple. She had never liked Potter, so she didn't have a problem with hating him. Severus, though…. He was the first person she had ever met from the magical world. He was the one who had told her all about Hogwarts, who had sat with her on the Hogwarts Express and who had reassured her that they could still be friends, even if she was in Gryffindor and he was in Slytherin.

 _"_ _Sev, I'm so sorry! I wanted to be in Slytherin, I really did." It was the morning after the sorting, and Lily was in the library with Sev, crying._

 _"_ _Please don't cry, Lily. We can still hang out together. Just because you're in Gryffindor doesn't mean you're an arrogant biggot like the rest of them. You can be different. We can still be friends, Lily. Just please stop crying."_

 _"_ _I'm s-sorry," she hiccuped. Sniffing, she wiped the tears from her eyes. "D-do you really mean we can still be friends?"_

 _"_ _Of course I do," he said firmly. "I still want to be friends with you. And if –" suddenly he looked unsure. "If you still want to be friends…?"_

 _"_ _Of course I do," she echoed._

 _"_ _Then we'll find a way. I promise."_

Lily snorted, and a new wave of tears cascaded down her face. _"I pormise."_ And now he had broken that promise. _He's untrustworthy, that's what he is._

"Lily?"

Startled, Lily inhaled too sharply and choked, coughing violently. It was Mary, probably wondering why she had missed dinner.

"What?" she managed weakly, after her coughing had subsided.

"Can I come in? I brought you some dinner."

"Oh. Okay, thanks." Lily flicked her wand and the curtains drew mack to reveal Mary Macdonald standing right outside her bed, holding a napkin with two roles and some pumpkin juice. Moving back, Lily made room for Mary to sit down.

After letting Lily nibble at a role in silence for a few minutes, Mary said quietly, "I heard what happened with Snape this afternoon.

Lily shrugged, steadfastly avoiding making eye contact.

"I'm really sorry, Lily."

"He's a git," Lily said softly. "You've always thought so, and you were right. I was stupid for not listening to you."

"No…."

Lily glanced at her, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, yes," Mary sighed, leaning back and staring at the ceiling. "I mean, he was always a git to me, and I could never understand why you insisted on being friends with him. But Lily … that's what makes you special. You always see the good in people. And I think that, at first anyway, he really liked you. And you were always so happy when you were around him. And – he seemed happier, too."

Lily scowled at her food, trying to force back the tears that were threatening to start falling again.

"I'm not trying to defend him or anything," Mary said hastily. "I just … I wish that – well, I guess I wish that he hadn't called you the M-word."

Lily snorted, surprised. "Why? Why should he treat me any different than the rest of you? He calls you a Mudblood, and all the other muggle-borns. Don't think I don't know."

"I know. But you're special, Lily." Mary leaned over, knocking into her gently. "I guess … " Mary exhaled loudly, puffing out her cheeks. "I just wish that he hadn't hurt you."

Lily just shook her head. She wished it too, desperately, but deep down she knew that this had been coming for a while now. Now that the initial shock had worn off, she found that she wasn't surprised. Not really. Too frequently lately, she and Severus had butted heads about something, be it professors awarding points, who they hung out with, future careers, life after school….

Mary stood up. "I'll leave you alone now. I've got to go see Professor McGonagall, anyway, about my Transfiguration OWL." A slightly guilty look flashed across her face. "I don't think I did too well."

"I'm sure you did fine," Lily assured her. "And, thanks for dinner. And the talking."

"Sure." Mary grinned. "Anytime."

* * *

"Lily."

"Mmph."

"Lily, wake up."

"Wassgoinnon?" Lily blinked against the light that was shining down on her, squinting up at the person hovering over her bed. Groaning, she rubbed her eyes, then realized she was still in her school robes. Sitting up, she blinked at Mary, who was holding her lit wand like a flashlight.

"Sorry, I must have fallen asleep. What time is it?"

"Ten at night. Sorry, I know you were asleep, but, well…." Mary trailed off, biting her lip and eying Lily nervously.

Lily narrowed her eyes. "What?"

"It's Snape."

Lily scowled. "Tell him to go away."

"I already did. He said he wanted to talk to you."

"Well, I don't want to talk to him."

"He that if you didn't come down soon, he was just going to sit there until you did."

"Fine." Lily rolled out of bed and, throwing off her school robes, pulled on her dressing gown. She wanted to be in something that wasn't her day-old, crumpled robes when she faced Severus.

"Lily, you don't have to go down there. I can get Professor McGonagall, and she'll tell him to leave."

Lily only shrugged. "I've got to face him at some point. Might as well be now. Wait up for me, would you?"

"Of course."

Lily walked quickly down the steps, and paused at the portrait hole, her hand resting on the frame. She closed her eyes. _Deep breaths, Lily. Cool and collected._ Opening her eyes, and pushed the door open and climbed resolutely through the hole in the wall. Outside, she found Severus sitting against the opposite wall, watching the door expectantly. Immediately he scrambled to he feet and she stood in front of him, arms folded across her chest.

"I'm sorry," he began.

"I'm not interested."

"I'm sorry!"

Lily glowered at him. She felt all her pent up frustration threatening to spill, and she was struggling desperately to keep it under control. "Save you're breath. I only came because Mary said you were threatening to sleep out here."

Severus stared at her, his palms open towards her, pleading. "I was. I would have. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just – "

"Slipped out?" Lily felt her hands grow cold. That always happened when she was angry. When she was little, it would usually result in accidental magic on her part. Now, it usually resulted in an angry outburst. Like the one she was about to deliver now. "It's too late." And it was, she realized. "I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see, you don't even deny it!" She hugged her hands closer to her chest. They were shaking now. She was angry at Severus, for calling her a Mudblood, for calling Mary a Mudblood, for being friends with Avery and Mulciber and Malfoy, for standing here now, apologizing and expecting her forgiveness. She was angry with herself, for believing that he still cared, for refusing to see what he had become. For not seeing it earlier, and not trying hard enough to make it stop. "You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"

Severus stared at her, and although she could see the panic, the desperation in his eyes, she refused to acknowledge it. She was done being the fool, done following him blindly and turning a blind eye whenever he did anything she objected to.

"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."

Severus finally found his voice. "No – listen, I didn't mean –"

"To call me Mudblood?" Lily interrupted coldly. He flinched, and in the back of her mind she wondered at this, but only for a second. She was done, sick of this. She didn't want to talk to him anymore. "But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

When he just stared at her, she turned and walked back through the portrait hole, closing it firmly behind her. There. She'd done it. She'd told him what she thought, why they couldn't be friends anymore. _They couldn't be friends anymore. Severus was no longer her friend._ It was clear, simple. Mary had said it hundreds of times, and Alice, and all her friends. She wasn't crazy, it wasn't wrong to reject him. Closing her eyes, Lily sank into the nearest armchair, burying her face in her hands and drawing deep breaths to calm herself. It was done, over, this was for the best. She would be happier without their constant arguing, without worrying about where he was and what he was doing.

So then why did she feel like crying?


End file.
